I'm going to jail i love you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
