So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
