he puts the penis in happiness.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
