He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
