I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
