In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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