Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
