you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize