You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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