Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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