if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
