I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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