i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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