he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
