having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
