can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
