Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're like the curious george of whores
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
