Who did Billy Mays play for?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
