Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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