This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
