I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
