did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
