uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
