I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
