my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
