We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
