I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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