i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
