Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
