i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
