You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize