One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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