So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
