they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
