I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
