Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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