dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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