So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
