can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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