in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
