i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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