sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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