Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
