you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize