I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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