I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
