evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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