So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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