I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
