the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
