Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
