these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
