So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
