I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
