dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
