1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
