In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
