dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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