If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
