when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize