You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
did i just pee glitter
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
