Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
