Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
