you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
