Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
