Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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