On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
