sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
