what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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