What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
