All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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