She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
