i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
