omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
