Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
