Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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